


Alone Together

by Higgles123



Category: The Drop (2014)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25003912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123
Summary: Bob knew Danielle wasn't acting herself, but it was easier to pretend he hadn't noticed. And then he nearly lost her.
Relationships: Bob Saginowski/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 7





	Alone Together

Her hands were cold. He didn’t understand how they could still be so cold. Grasping one of her hands between both of his, Bob rubbed them together to give her some warmth. The machinesbleeped intermittently and Bob found it almost soothing. It was a reminder that she wasn’t gone. She was still with him. He hadn’t left her side since she had been admitted six hours before, and although she was in a stable condition now, the side effects of the medication they had given her to counteract the pills she had taken meant she was still out of it.

She hadn’t been right for some time. Even someone as shrewd as Bob had struggled to notice it at first, but then again, he knew as well as anyone how easy it was to conceal one’s truth from the world because he the master of doing such a thing on a daily basis. His only relief from the burden he would carry for the rest of his days was found in church. That short mass was his saving grace, but what about those who had none?

Bob could recall quite clearly the first time he met Danielle. She had a bubbly personality that literally exuded out of her, infecting anyone she came into contact with. When he had asked her why she had applied for the job in the bar, the brutal honesty of her answer had both shocked him and amused him at the same time.

_“Well, I need the money so that I can get out of the shit hole I’m living in,” she said without hesitation. “And I grew up with an alcoholic mother so you could say I’m pretty good at dealing with drunken idiots.”_

Even Marv had chuckled to himself from the other table where he was going through the books. There was no doubt in either of their minds that Danielle was going to fit right in. And they hadn’t been wrong. The customers liked her easy going manner and playful nature, and they also respected that she would keep them in line if she needed to. She worked hard and was always happy to come in at a moment’s notice if she was required, and Bob often found excuses for needing her just because the place was better when she was around.

She saved up enough money to move out into an apartment just around the corner from the bar, and although Bob knew she was estranged from her mother she seemed happy enough to be alone.

_“How can I be alone when I’ve got you and Rocco?”_ she’d grin. _“You see Bob, you’re alone just like me which means that we’re really just alone together.”_

Months passed and every so often he noticed that her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, or that her shoulders slumped when she thought nobody was watching.

_“I’m just tired, Bob,”_ she’d plaster a beaming grin on her face and pat his cheek affectionately. “ _You gotta stop worrying about me cos I’m fine.”_

And instead of pushing her like he wanted to, he always left it. She would tell him if she wanted to; that’s what he always convinced himself. So tonight when she didn’t turn up for her shift, he ignored the pang of doubt that nibbled incessantly at him, even when he tried calling her time after time only to have her phone keep ringing out. She must be sleeping. Yeah that was it. If she’s not well she probably has left her phone in another room so she won’t be disturbed, and she must have just forgotten to call in sick. You see that’s how easy it is to pretend someone you know is completely fine when everything inside you screams that they’re not. You can convince yourself that it’s one thing or another. You can convince yourself that the look of _something_ you had seen in their eyes the last time you were with them was simply your imagination, or that the way they hugged you that little bit tighter than usual was just because they felt like showing you how much you meant to them and not because they were afraid of being left alone with just their thoughts for company.

Eventually, Bob couldn’t rid himself of that churning doubt any longer and he had closed up the bar early. He didn’t remember walking the whole block in the freezing cold, nor did he remember finding the spare key under the door mat and letting himself in. All he remembered was seeing her lying in the bath; the water had long gone cold and he found the empty bottle of pills in the sink. Bob prided himself on always having a cool head no matter the situation but the very idea of losing the person who lit up his life sent that steady nerve flying out of the window. He dragged her out of the bath and administered CPR with the help of the 911 call handler. As his hands had done the compressions, he had been overwhelmed with thoughts of how easy it was to end a life in comparison to saving one, and when he saw her take a breath he had broken down there and then. The paramedics had arrived and gently prised Danielle from his arms and he followed them numbly to the ambulance, refusing to leave her side for even a second.

“You look tired, hon.”

Bob looked up briefly as the kind faced nurse came in to do observations again, disturbing him from his thoughts. 

“You should go home and get some rest. Or even if you don’t want to go home, there’s a relatives room down the hall with coffee and a couch that’s not too uncomfy.”

“Nah, I’m good,” Bob shook his head, brushing back a lock of Danielle’s blonde hair from her forehead as the nurse took her temperature on the other side from him.

“You’re no good to her if you’re exhausted, hon,” she said quietly.

“I was no good to her anyway,” Bob sighed more to himself than anyone else. “I wasn’t there when she needed me.”

“I know it’s none of my business and I won’t stick my nose in where it’s not wanted, but sometimes you can try your best to help someone and it won’t be enough no matter what you do,” the nurse eyed him sadly as she began to fill out the chart at the end of the bed. “The thing to remember in situations like this is that it’s not always a premeditated thing. Sometimes it’s waking up and feeling wonderful and then suddenly one thing sends you back into that deep dark place again. Usually in cases like this, it isn’t that they want to be dead; it’s just that they don’t want to hurt anymore.”

“But I should have done more to help,” Bob muttered. “I should have done more.”

“I’ve worked in this ER a long time and I’ve seen a lot of people come in here just like her. Some we see again, some we don’t. Some get better, some don’t. But those who get better will all tell you the same thing. You can be there for them as much as you want but ultimately they have to be the ones to help themselves because its their own mind that’s hurting them more than any one other thing or circumstance ever could. They have to break free from the strange sort of comfort they develop from feeling that way. And only then can they get better.”

“And what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Just sit every second of every day, waiting for her to do this again?”

“No,” the nurse shook her head. “You cry with her, you comfort eat with her, you rage clean with her, you take anxious middle of the night walks with her. You tell her that you believe in her and that she needs to believe in herself as well.”

The nurse disappeared, leaving Bob with his tumultuous thoughts. He closed his eyes and sighed, wishing this was all just some horrible nightmare; wishing that he wasn’t being punished for his past misdeeds. And then immediately hating himself for being so selfish. None of this was about him.

“She’s right you know.”

Bob opened his eyes in shock and his hand trembled as Danielle’s caramel eyes met his. His throat was clogged up and when he opened his mouth to speak, he found he couldn’t. Instead he squeezed Danielle’s hand in his, hoping it conveyed everything he wanted to say to her.

“I didn’t really wanna die,” Danielle whispered, a tear dripping down her cheek. “I just wanted it to stop hurting, Bob. I just wanted to stop feeling so much.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he murmured, wiping the moisture from her face.

“What would be the point?” she shrugged. “You can’t fix it for me; nobody can.”

“But I can be there for you,” he answered. “I need you; me and Rocco both need you. Just… just let us help you. Please.”

“Ok,” she sniffed.

“And even though I get what that nurse was saying, it still doesn’t mean I’m gonna listen,” he murmured. “I’m never leaving your side ever again. You don’t have to do this on your own anymore, Danielle. Me, you and Rocco don’t have to be alone together anymore; we’re just gonna be together. Forever.”


End file.
